Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Gut punching desicions

deep breathe ok...so Ive always been the person to bite the bullet, be the bigger person, as many times as there have been in the last 16 months of wanting to keep my daughter all to myself and say FUCK IT, I havent. I've dealt with the instability, the headache, the lies, excuses, the close to NO support from her better half. Im not going to sit here and bash the man, or say things out of hate, but I am human, and I'm exhausted and tired. I have over exerted myself time and again, I am constantly taken advantage of, my time and MORE IMPORTANTLY my kids time is being wasted.
I filed for custody and support back in December of last year and WHY THE FUCK I dont have my court yet is BEYOND me!!!! Ive touched base BI-WEEKLY with my attorney, following up with what the fuckin deal is and STILL Nothing! Im told I should have something in the next week. OK GREAT, so my gut punching decision is to not deal with BD, until the order is in place, meaning I wont wait around every week to see if hes going to show or not. His obligation of being her father is to be financially responsible, morally responsible and psychically responsible, out of these all my daughter gets is him showing up, wanting a pat on the back and respect from ME b/c he SHOWED UP.
Its extremely frustrating to stay on the right path of PEACE between him and I, when he puts NO effort into making that possible. Hes got baggage, hes got his priorities out of whack, and its not fair to me or Pella. He has never had consequences for his parental actions, where my life is nothing but consequences and sacrifices. I know what Im choosing to do is temporary, and is the best for my sanity at this moment in time. Ive tried being the communicator, Ive tried being nice, Ive tried moving days and times around, Ive asked him for $0 ever since he decided he didnt want to "support me" (his idea of what child support is) and personally I just dont give a fuck anymore. I carry BOTH our weights, and emotion!!! Pella is too young to know whats going on, to know her dad is all over the place, and to be affected by all of this. Im hoping that by withdrawing him from her life until we have a court order, will make him wake up and smell the roses, see the big picture! I am struggling with this choice, some people will probably say Im crazy for not doing it sooner or Im crazy for not letting Pella see her dad, but to those people who dont live in my shoes... all I can say my intentions are NOT to keep my daughter from her dad, its something Ive decided is necessary until we both have set boundaries and guidelines....

10 comments:

  1. good for you! i made so many mistakes when we drew up our parenting plan that i wish i could take back. my kids bd is the worst! and he acts the same way about child support (says, he won't support me), when i got pregs with stella (not his) he even went as far as to try and take me to court to give back everything baby wise that was our kids so i couldn't use it for stella-they laughed him out of the room, ugh! i am sorry you have to deal with all of this-you are totally making good decisions!

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  2. I agree, good for you! I'm sorry you have to go through all of the court hassle to convince a father to be a father. Sending love your way!

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  3. Good for you, just as the others have all said. It's amazing how easy it is for some parents to be so flaky and downright emotionally abusive, leaving the other parent to do all the work and heavy lifting. You and other single parents really deserve more respect and admiration than you receive.

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  4. That sucks (him and the situation). I've watched my cousin (who's basically been like a sister to me throughout our lives) go through this and it killed me to watch the stress and heartache weigh her down. You deserve far more respect and consideration so good for you for making this decision.

    Nothing but admiration on this end. Stay strong mama!

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  5. I watched my mom struggle with the same issues with my younger sister's father and I really hate seeing anyone going through the same thing. It sounds like you are doing what is best for you, and most importantly, Pella. She doesn't need a barely there father-figure when all he does is add stress to your lives! A dad is important, but not when the negativity he adds to a child's life outweighs the good. Hopefully this will help him realize how lucky he is to have such a wonderful little girl.

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  6. dude, i'm supporting you! it sounds like you know what the right thing is and you're doing a fucking amazing job. you're an awesome mom!

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  7. I think it's a good decision. Maybe you are right and he'll week the eff up and see what he's truly missing out on.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. Sounds like you've gone above and beyond trying to help him realize what he needs to do in order to be an active father. Guidelines are a must sometimes and if it means waiting till court dates so be it. My mother went through a lot of the same things with my father. But one thing I knew is SHE always tried on her part. And it surely sounds like you have gone way beyond your part. Stay strong lady!

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  9. Oh :( i am sorry you have to deal with this! Maybe as parents every choice we make won't be perfect, but we make the best choices we can with the information we have. This choice is right for your daughter right now and that's all you can do! I think that's pretty darn good. I hope he wakes up and gives Pella what she deserves. Until he makes some changes and steps up what right does he have to be a part of her life? Just showing up doesn't make him a dad!

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  10. Dude, you are totally doing THE RIGHT THING. My dad wanted to see us and not pay a fucking dime, and my mom let him. Now? I wish she would've told HIM to fuck off unless he wanted THE WHOLE ENCHILADA. You don't get to reap all the benefits without putting in all the work, and that means financially supporting your child and the mother of your child. THIS IS A GOOD THING! Don't doubt yourself, you're an incredible mama. Oh, and I'm amelie522 on Instagram, BTW :)

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