Thursday, February 25, 2010

Daily Peej

Sporting her Petunia Picklebottom organic onesie.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Thorn in my side

Well I survived the first 3 weeks of having a new baby!
Im hanging by a thread though, to say the least.
My life has been turned upside down, as if I thought it kind of already did, I keep getting bombs dropped on me with my childs father.
Its unfortunate, why? Because I am suffering! Im battling with postpartum depression bouts.
When PJ is having a bad my day is even worse, I look at her and just cry....I at times cant soothe her, and its frustrating! Im Sleep deprived bc I have nights where I am ALL ALONE. I have had help and thank god for these people bc without it I would BREAK! My stress levels are off the charts. Im not producing enough breast milk to keep up a supply, its killing me!
I dont have time to myself to do much of anything lucky I even caught a minute to blog. This is therapy for me.
I beat myself up and do not give myself credit for all the hard work I do, Instead Im constantly thinking about all the hurt, and trauma Ive been through. Theres not a day that goes by where I get super angry, and disgusted at what he did to me.... but I cant live like this. I have a baby girl who needs me and needs a mom whos strong,happy, and not stressed out.
I know she picks up on it. and it tears me up I dont want her to feel it another day, she felt it for 9 months inside me...its just not fair to her.
I keep telling myself...
"You can do this...there are people who are worse off..."

I need to just fall in love with Pella, and the life we will experience together.
Its just so hard, and people dont often discuss the "postpartum" part of a having a baby.
your just hear about the sleepness nights, and the poopy diapers.

Monday, February 22, 2010

NEWBIE photoshoot!

Pella's first photoshoot check it out! she was 9 days old!

Beautiful photos taken by Wildflowers Photos.
More to come!!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Bath TIME!

Pellas cord fell of today (which mind you was the most disgusting thing was very hard to clean and get all up in there without wanting to cringe a little bit!) so she got her first bath....ironically she ended up barfing up her formula so it was perfect timing!!!!! lol
here she is loving bath time!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Lady Pella

The joys of having a baby girl?
Well DUH! SHOPPING Of course!
I just spent the last hour so browsing through
(one of my favorite sites)
and found Pella some new goodies!

is this the cutest dress?, she has tons more check her out! AlltheNumbers

Of course I have to document Pellas sweet are these? I found these compliments of the HipsterMom blog, but can be found at this Etsy store

Lets talk baby...
so far some MUST haves for a new baby!

  • Petunia Picklebottom Swaddling Blankets (they are organic and have the best stretch to ensure a nice tight swaddle!)
  • SkipHop Splash Bottle Drying rack (gets the job done!)
  • Maclaren Vibrating bouncer seat (Peej loves chillin in her bouncer chair, of course only when its vibrating!!)
  • The first years "Breastflow" bottles (Ive investigated ALOT OF bottles, and have gotten TONS of feedback on all the different bottles, and I heard great things about the breastflow, so I bought just one, and she took it no problem! and it mimics our boobies!)
9 days old today!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Flood gate of emotions

Lucky me i found a minute to blog!.
Pella is sleeping oh so peacefully..FINALLY.
I was running on 3 almost 4 days of NO SLEEP. I was lucky just to lay down.

Ive been lucky to have people who care about me to stay with me and help me survive the brutal first week of Pellas life at home. Newborn stage is extremely intimidating and it really never hit me, how hard it truly is. I find myself crying EVERYDAY. my emotions are all over the board. and not having her dad as emotional support has made it that much worse for me, all people talk about is how they had/have their husbands there to feed the baby a bottle in the middle of the night so they could sleep, change diapers, soothe the baby..etc etc. I don't have that, and it KILLS ME and breaks my heart every second I think about it. I NEVER imagined Id feel as helpless as I do when it comes to not being with her dad. He tries here and there which I give him credit for , however its still honestly the worst heartache ive ever felt, given the circumstances.
I know it will get better with time, but its really hard... hearing him call me "his babies momma" makes me feel digusting and like im some girl who just got pregnant. we spend almost 7 years together....and thats how he refers to me as. I could go on and on about what grinds my gears about her dad. but it is what it is. Im a single mom. Enough about my moments of sadness.
Onto my moments of being a new mom....
Ive read baby wise and I am taking the PDF approach, worked GREAT during the day..then night rolled around and my child was a WRECK, up screaming, unable to soothe, she would calm down for 10 minutes at a time only to scream louder and longer the next time around.
I was beside my myself..thinking....
breast feeding has become more and more tolarable with each day passing....THANK GOD. that first WEEK WAS TERRRRRIBLE. but Ive stuck with it. I even pump now and am starting to build up some B-MILK. I am now able to supplement a bottle at night feeding to help top her off! and last night was a sucessful night of sleep for her and me! whoo-hoo!
Im learning more and more everyday! at her ONE-WEEK old Dr. appointment she gained an Ounce! her jaundice is subsiding, her poop is turning that "mustard yellow"... little milestones I find myself feeling like a kid on christmas morning!

I love her so much!

Sunday, February 7, 2010


My instinct was right. GIRL!
'Pella James'
She was 7lb 5oz. and 19in. she came out FLAWLE
My birth story is pretty short and sweet!
I went to the hospital Monday Night at 8pm for my induction, I got hooked up to the monitor and to my surprise and the nurses surprise I was already having contractions that were about 7min apart before I even got my cervidil. I got the cervidil t 9pm, by 12am I was having contractions 2-3 min apart. By 3am my water broke on its on own...and from that point things really progressed.
I was checked 8am when they removed the cervidil and was 2cm. I got the Pitocin & Epidural at that time...because I knew my Dr. was coming in around 9am and getting the vaginal exam was hurt. Even though the contractions weren't bad I opted to avoid the upcoming exam.
At 10am I was checked by my Dr. and I was 8cm! I went from 2-8 in 2 hours..."impressive" says my Doc. About an hour or so later I was feeling her making her way down...Very uncomfortable. They turned me on my side and to help her make her way down. that's what when all I felt was pressure...They also turned off my epidural (so I would be able to feel pushing, and my legs) It took about an hour or so for that to completely wear off and me feel every bit of the laboring pains. with each contraction all I wanted to do was push her out. but I wasn't ready to push yet. By around 1pm they had me doing practice pushing, helping her come down. I was fully dilated ready to go. I wasn't in much pain yet....but come around 2pm it was ON! I felt her head in my birth canal. and the pressure was UNBELIEVABLE! I pushed..and pushed and pushed. I stayed strong but was starting to get tired, and loosing energy.
I was in sooo much pain as her head passed under my pelvic bone, I wanted to die.
They said " The baby has A LOT OF HAIR!" I was so worried about the progress of me pushing, is it close? wheres my dr? I want her out! My doctor finally got there at around 3pm and he really was encouraging me to just push her out!!!!!!
I felt her head pop out, I felt myself tearing..I was more big push I was told she would be OUT! i PUSHED and out she came!
She was sooo flawless. came out wide awake! and alert!

P.S. shes 4 days old today and NO ONE told me about the "aftermath" ..My body is wrecked!
I can barely sit down, what comes out of me, the stitches from the tearing...OUCHY!
My milk came in yesterday and Its so uncomfortable I had DD's before even being preggo so imagine me NOW!
She has a tied-tongue so shes struggling with getting a good latch, and my nipples are just trashed right now, but im sticking to it regardless of all the pain!
Its all WORTH IT

check her out!


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