As of lately I feel like my anxiety has been running my life. I havent been riddled with anxiety since my early teens, and I have noticed it creeping back in my life slowly but surely, and I think these are some reasons why....
A couple reasons why Single Parenting is the PITS.
- Keeping up with my house. YES, I recently hired "HELP" to help me pick my slack, and do the things I either A. FUCKING HATE DOING, and B. There just isnt enough time in my day. Even with someone coming in once a week to help me I still find my house to look like a effin HURRICANE slammed through it. I find myself adding more and more clothes to that pile of laundry EVERY DAY, regardless of doing a load a day it NEVER GOES AWAY! TRASH!!! dont ask me HOW, but seriously I am taking out a garbage can FULL of trash EVERYDAY! I dont know where all this stupid trash comes from but every time I move around my house I am constantly picking up trash!!!!!!!
- ME TIME! As of lately I have found myself having A LOT more free time then Ive ever had in the last 2 years, but when I get that time without Pella, I find myself having to take care of more important things, like cleaning up my house, going grocery shopping, running random errand that I put off every other day. There are days I just wish when my imaginary "husband" got home I could feed his belly, and tell him "OK, SEE YA!" and runaway to the Spa, or the mall, or even go sit on the beach and watch the sunset. ANYTHING that involves me, SOLO, doing nothing, and or having it done for me. OH AND DUH, what aboout working out!?!!! I dont even have the time to work out anymore! KISSING MY BOMB.COM post baby bod down the TUBES.
- SLEEP! If my kid is sleep deprived, I am sleep deprived. there is no trading off, there is no "I get to sleep in today" days! Yeah I hear it alllll day long NAP WHEN PELLA NAPS.... Hey guess what, I dont know about you, but I usually have dishes to wash, a bed to make, clothes to hang up, bills to pay, dogs to feed, counters to clean off, laundry to wash, car to clean out, YOU NAME IT.... but I guess I'll sleep when Im DEAD, huh?
- Odds and Ends.... and what I mean by that is all the stuff that falls in between my daily routine... I.E. errands, work, Dr's appointments...whatever. When having a baby by yourself these things you often find yourself having to do WITH your baby (sometimes). Having to lug a kid around with you to run to the bank, go to target, have my yearly female checkup, bla bla bla is like 2x MORE COMPLICATED, AND TAKES TWICE AS LONG TO DO.... not to say I dont enjoy runnin around with my kid, but there are times its be nice to go do this stuff solo!
These few things I just went into depth complaining about may or MAY NOT be why I find myself being short of breathe, anxious, and....picking the skin around my fingernails till it bleeds!
It may sound like Im totally being a selfish pig, but Im not! I LOVE every minute I spend with my daughter, she puts a smile on my face, she makes feel blessed, and we both LOVE each others company. But being a single parent has its challenges, and has its HARD days...if it wasnt for the satisfaction I get out of how it challenges my life daily, id probably be that lazy, mad at the world, drowning in self pitty, and living back at home with my parents to SAVE ME single mom. I guess Im finding it a little harder then normal to find balance in my days... there just isnt enough hours in my days....
with working 2 days a week, having to do therapy 2 days a week, having Pella go with BD 2/3 times a week, and all the other stuff that falls in between, its hard some days to be doing it all by myself.
Maybe tonight when Pella goes to bed I'll post the THINGS I LOVE about being a Single Mom...how bout that?!