Sunday, February 12, 2012

Single mama 'Guest Post' over at the Freckled Mama

Was honored to be asked to contribute to a 'Single mama' guest post for the lovely Jessica Rae @ Freckled Mama! So here it is, enjoy. 


 Name: Marcella

                                   Where can you be found?:
I can be found at,
 Twitter: MarandPeej 
Instagram: illnana 

Single Momma to how many kids?
1 kiddo 

  Pella James, 2 years old

How old were your child[ren] when you became a Single Mom. 
 Its complicated, but in all honesty I became a single mom during my pregnancy.

What has been your biggest challenge as a Single Mother to date? 
 The biggest challenge I have encountered is my sense of whats morally right and wrong in "co-parenting"
What I mean by that is that sense of entitlement I feel, I'm the one whose been doing all the work, I'm the RESPONSIBLE party, I'm the financial support, I'm EVERYTHING, so WHY do I "need" to include my BD?

This is something I find myself struggling with from time to time. I know Pella has a dad and I know it benefits her to have him be part of her life, but its been challenging to have to set my feelings aside and do whats in the best interest of her.   

What ‘Single Mom’ misconception do you find most annoying and/or ridiculous?
  I think  the most annoying one is that we are "super women" and for some arrogant girls it feeds their already big egos! I know a lot of single moms who use that "super mama" thing to full advantage. Don't get me wrong its NOT easy raising a child in a single household, but for some they forget how to stay HUMBLE. I personally take pride in knowing all it is I do for my daughter but I've always stayed Humble, and appreciative. In the end of the day I think every woman who has a child or children is a "super mama" but its all about how you live and the good examples and qualities we instill in our kids.

How important is it to take time for yourself and what are some ways you do? 
It's extremely IMPORTANT. I think you can not live a happy and full filling life when you lose sense of your individuality. Its easy to get sucked into the 24/7 mom thing, and that's very important in the beginning when you have a newborn who is dependent on you. But once that baby is old enough to have some independence and help is offered, TAKE IT! Even if its just going to Target solo. Time for yourself is healthy, you need it! Especially if your a new single mom, its very easy to find yourself being depressed and lonely, but when you make that time for yourself, its rewarding, and it takes away from that solitude you might be feeling, who knows maybe you'll meet MR.RIGHT?! 

Who/Whom has been your biggest support system? 
I have a big diverse support system, some of it is my kids dads family, my family, my fiances family, my friends.... The more positive people in my and my daughters life the BETTER! 

What is something you hope your child takes away from your Single Mom experience?
 I hope she appreciates me, for everything I do, and that everything I do is for her! I hope she sees how important it is for her to have respect for me and herself, and that coming from a "co-parent" upbringing is OKAY, its not something she should ever feel embarrassed of or ashamed about 

How do you get through the overwhelming feelings of Parenthood by yourself? 
Deep Breathes. LOTS of them. Calming exercises, learning how to pick and chose my battles is very important! 

A Single Mom’s life is totally not doom and gloom, what are some of the positive aspects to being a Single Mother?  
UGH HELLO there is NOTHING more rewarding then waking up everyday to my daughter, and knowing I'm doing it by myself. Its a blessing in disguise in MOST cases! Embrace every minute of it! 

Do you have any comments or advice for women starting their own Single Mom journey?
 my advice for all single moms is STAY OPTIMISTIC AND POSITIVE. Be everything you ever had or everything you "didn't" have that you wish you did!  Live day to day, worrying about the future is something you CANT control, so don't waste your energy there. When you're offered help TAKE IT! It gives you a break and gives your child the opportunity to socialize and bond with family and friends. DON'T beat yourself up, because as cliche as it sounds, It CAN always be worse!

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