Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Flood gate of emotions

Lucky me i found a minute to blog!.
Pella is sleeping oh so peacefully..FINALLY.
I was running on 3 almost 4 days of NO SLEEP. I was lucky just to lay down.

Ive been lucky to have people who care about me to stay with me and help me survive the brutal first week of Pellas life at home. Newborn stage is extremely intimidating and it really never hit me, how hard it truly is. I find myself crying EVERYDAY. my emotions are all over the board. and not having her dad as emotional support has made it that much worse for me, all people talk about is how they had/have their husbands there to feed the baby a bottle in the middle of the night so they could sleep, change diapers, soothe the baby..etc etc. I don't have that, and it KILLS ME and breaks my heart every second I think about it. I NEVER imagined Id feel as helpless as I do when it comes to not being with her dad. He tries here and there which I give him credit for , however its still honestly the worst heartache ive ever felt, given the circumstances.
I know it will get better with time, but its really hard... hearing him call me "his babies momma" makes me feel digusting and like im some girl who just got pregnant. we spend almost 7 years together....and thats how he refers to me as. I could go on and on about what grinds my gears about her dad. but it is what it is. Im a single mom. Enough about my moments of sadness.
Onto my moments of being a new mom....
Ive read baby wise and I am taking the PDF approach, worked GREAT during the day..then night rolled around and my child was a WRECK, up screaming, unable to soothe, she would calm down for 10 minutes at a time only to scream louder and longer the next time around.
I was beside my myself..thinking....
breast feeding has become more and more tolarable with each day passing....THANK GOD. that first WEEK WAS TERRRRRIBLE. but Ive stuck with it. I even pump now and am starting to build up some B-MILK. I am now able to supplement a bottle at night feeding to help top her off! and last night was a sucessful night of sleep for her and me! whoo-hoo!
Im learning more and more everyday! at her ONE-WEEK old Dr. appointment she gained an Ounce! her jaundice is subsiding, her poop is turning that "mustard yellow"... little milestones I find myself feeling like a kid on christmas morning!

I love her so much!


  1. I was single when my son was born and for the first year, it is very overwhelming, so dont worry, your emotions are totally normal. Take all the help you can get from friends/family. It gets so much easier. She's beautiful :)

  2. Pella is absolutely gorgeous! She is so bright and alert in that picture. A little smile and a wink. So, so special.

    I can't imagine how hard it must be to mourn your relationship and care for your brand-newborn at the same time. Crying, laughing, screaming: they are all "normal"! No one can really understand what you are feeling except for yourself, but many women have gone through similar situations in their own way and have made it out alright. Remember: you have strength, you are a powerful woman -- you carried and grew a life inside you and then pushed it out in one night! That's is amazing! The hardship will pass and soon you will be toting her around on your hip, or playing games on the floor like an old pro.

  3. it looks like you're doing a great job! pella is practically smiling in that picture! remember to take a breather every once in awhile. everything will be fine. just keep reminding yourself that. you have enough strength and love by yourself to take care of pella. you can do it!

  4. Hey Marc,
    I had the same problemssss only the dad was with me. He would tell me to turn off the light so he could sleep as I was trying to stick my bleeding nipple into a screaming babies mouth night after night every two hours. It's heartbreaking but almost easier when you don't have that expectation of someone helping you. :/ I wish I could help

  5. Marcella,
    Love this quote..
    “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” ~From the television show The Golden Girls

    The golden girls!! Gotta love them.

    Keep up the good work.. Marcella.


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