Mar & Bean: February Wrap Up

For being the shortest month in the year, this month thats pretty jam packed with stuff going on!

Pella's Birthday, Valentines Day, a couple other friends birthdays, a going away party, vacation, planted my spring garden, had a couple Instagram sales, was the first month of being out of my old retail store Drool, went to Disneyland, saw a couple movies... the list goes on.

This month was also a month of realization for me. Having closed my store, I am currently jobless, but am managing to stay above water financially with my vintage resale business. I have applied for a couple of jobs that I feel like I'm totally under qualified for, but I took the chance, mainly for the option of having benefits, and just the opportunity to be able to work for these particular companies would be pretty neat. This same month a little girl named Daisy, who had cancer lost her battle and is now a little angel in the clouds...I followed her blog for the last 3 years and there were times I felt hope for her and her family and grateful for the times that she was not suffering in a hospital bed battling her cancer. What a BRAVE , and strong soul that little girl has, she endured so much in the last 3 years, when I read the update on her blog a couple weeks ago that her cancer had returned full force with vengeance, my heart sank, I checked her FB and Blog daily for updates, as they got worse, I felt kind of lost for her hoping for the best but expecting the worst, its weird to say I had these emotions for a little girl I never knew personally, but because her life is pretty much broadcasted in detail it was easy to feel those emotions in the way her mother would write. Well long story short when I read the gut wrenching post about her passing, I cried inside maybe a little on the outside too, and as I read I put her moms words into context, and thought about my life and how I can put her words into action in my life...

this is the post I am referring too:

"Dear Friends…

Early Saturday morning we had the privilege of witnessing Daisy’s departure from earth to a place outside of time and space where her joy is complete; heaven.

Our darling girl gave us kisses at midnight, with lips dry from thirst and hot with fever. Tiny and sweet, the words “that’s awesome” came from her tired body after letting us know she was having good dreams. She is safely home… Finally well.

I have refrained from giving details of her suffering over the last few weeks, as it was immense. Out of respect for her dignity and loveliness we have been keeping these painful moments sacred.

Thank you for your partnership in loving our girl. Please know we are broken hearted for ourselves but so happy for Daisy, who is with Jesus in paradise able to run and eat and play with abandon. We believe that wholeheartedly, and as they say in Narnia, she is going further up! And further in! She left the Shadowlands for a place more real in every sense.

Please join us as we celebrate the strong, kind, brave, goofy, thoughtful, amazing girl we call Daisy Love. Please wear what you feel best in; sandy feet and boardshorts, tutu and snorkel mask, or the prettiest dress in your closet. Wear black only if you must, but I’m wearing what Daisy would like most. On her last night on earth, she requested we watch “The Hobbit” (70’s version) and dress like hobbits. If ever there was a girl confident in her own skin, it was her. Among her favorite ensembles are animal ears of all kinds, astronaut, flightsuit, monster, pirate, dinosaur, Indian, mermaid, bear, cowgirl, fireman and explorer.

Feel free to laugh and cry and hug. There is no single way to grieve. And while we miss her on earth, we will pick up where we left off when I have the privilege of going to where she is, in the presence of God where there is fullness of joy.

My final request to all who read this blog: love. Love your babies, your husbands, mothers, sisters. Love each day like it’s your last. All you mamas out there, you have been entrusted with the precious gift of a human life who depends on you. Enjoy your gift. Breathe in the scent of your child’s hair, breath. Let them cook with you and make a mess of the kitchen. Play hide and seek with them, build sand castles with them, take them on picnics, read to them! Listen to them, value and respect them, never shame them. Your words they will carry with them their whole life and you have the power to give them wings or stunt their growth. Motherhood can be tough but it’s worth it. It can be exhausting, boring, tedious, but never for long. You blink and they’re grown. It has been my honor and privilege to love Daisy these last 8 years. I’m thankful for every minute; the joyful and the terrible alike."

Its hard to read and not feel like your falling apart inside for her and her family. For me this post was a life lesson.

I want to live a life of quality, I want a life where I get to enjoy all the little moments of my daughter as she grows into a young lady. I realized the little things in life, like building a sand castle with her, and smelling her hair cant be replaced. I don't care about money, and the brand name shit I used to look forward to making the money I did so I could afford to buy it. So even if I don't get those jobs I applied for, I'll be okayy, I have my health, my family, and QUALITY time to spend with my daughter and husband. The material things in my life, aren't what make my quality of life good. My family is what makes me smile everyday. I know I am truly blessed with what I have now, from what I lacked having 2 years ago. Having a husband who loves me for exactly who I am, Loves my daughter and has fit into our lives as if he was always there, words cant express what that feels like. I am grateful to know and appreciate life's blessings. I know everyone has their story, has their ups and downs, but I think Daisy's mother, Kate has no idea how many lives she's touched and inspired in the wake of her daughters passing. Her outlook and faith she has in her life is at times mind boggling, but that woman is such an inspiration to me as a mother.